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By Sam, January 21, 2010 6:52 pm

#1 John Calipari

College basketball needs a great renegade to come along every so often to scare the shit out the blue bloods and cause a stir. John Thompson did that in the 80’s leading a Jesuit school with no football program or tradition to speak of, with a roster of scary good and fearless black players in a new conference to the very height of the national scene. In the later part of that decade and into the early 90’s Jerry Tarkanian took UNLV out of obscurity and into the national spotlight with Frank Sinatra and Bill Cosby sitting court side some nights. It was fun, it was unique, it was limited. During the 00’s John Calapari started a semi renegade empire in Memphis utilizing the most dangerous new tool available to him, the one and done. Cal used his connections to seedy middle men to get a steady flow of hot shot high school stars that never intended to stay long in the college game. His Memphis teams won big, beat big programs, and had NCAA tournament success. Cal built something at Memphis from the ground up that threatened the bigger, more established and likely just as dirty programs that he was routinely beating. He had become a hated and feared man by the big AQ program fans.

You knew that once Patrick Ewing left Georgetown that Hoya Paranoia would fade. You knew that the NCAA would eventually catch up to Tark and end his empire in the dessert, and we all knew that eventually somebody would drop a dime on one of Memphis’ one and dones. What nobody expected was that before Calapari could meet his apocalyptic downfall in Memphis he would jump ship and lead the bluest of blue blood programs who cheat more on accident than he ever did on purpose. Now instead of being a rouge anomaly at neat program in a non AQ conference, Calipari is a giant hypocritical horse’s ass at the biggest, brashest, fuck headyest program in all the world. His act slickster act was more palatable before he became the front man at college basketballs winningest program. It is the equivalent of John Dillinger becoming President of the United States. If you are going to be an outlaw be an outlaw, if you are going to run one of college basketballs blue blood programs you have to be an insufferable, phony, christian huckster like Bill Self, Roy Williams, or Ben Howland. Calipari blurred the lines and instead of being a martyr for gangster when the law came to Memphis he cashed out and took his once fresh act to a place where it is not by any means cute.

The Lowlights:

• His introductory press conference and midnight madness address to Kentucky fans are the most obnoxious moments in the history of spoken word.
• Sometime this year he will lock John Wall in an embrace and pretend he coached him
• There is much more to come. Stay tuned if you can stand it.

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By Sam, January 17, 2010 4:56 pm

#2 Alex Legion

Alex Legion managed to shoot way up this list with his most recent antics, and since he announced his 5th change of heart in where he will continue his amateur career this decade he makes it all the way up to #2 for embodying the entitlement and profound selfishness that represent his type of player. Alex Legion is basically a sixth man at best now  but don’t tell that to Momma Legion. This Mother of the Year has called into talk radio shows to trash coaches that her son was playing for, taken him out of schools, and basically shopped him around as if he were a used car. For his part Legion has been whinny, soft, and underwhelming at every stop. His refusal to accept coaching and play a role less than star on any team he has played for has stunted his growth as a player. He was at one time a very sought after recruit but has now fallen all the way to a sideshow in the Sun Belt conference because of his own bad choices.

The Lowlights:

• A native of Inkster, MI Legion spurned the Inkster public schools to play at the elite private school Birmingham Country Day for his first three years of high school. Before his senior year Legion’s mother moved him to the seedy basketball factory Oakhill Academy so that he would recieve the proper exposure and not have to “settle,” for the University of Michigan where he had verbally committed prior to his senior season but withdrew that commitment before leaving Country Day. It should be noted that Alex never started for Oakhill.
• Alex gave another verbal commitment and signed a letter of intent to UofM as his senior year was winding down only to once again pull back, this time after Michigan and coach Tommy Amaker parted ways.
• Legion finally committed to the University of Kentucky after his mother claimed on a Detroit sports talk radio program that she had repeated direct conversations with God and Jesus about her son and knew that he was destined for great things but that Michigan was not in his plan. Among her other claims were that this was not a one time conversation but that she was in fact a “prophet of God,” and said that God had told her that Alex would come back to Michigan to play in the Final Four in 2009.
• Despite his mother’s crazy prophecy mumbo jumbo Alex decided to transfer from Kentucky after half of his freshman season when he determined that Billy Gillespie was being mean to him and treating him “like a freshman.” Annette Legion claimed that Gillespie was a drunk and a fornicator who had his way with some of the players girlfriends. This claim was never substantiated.
• After playing the second semester at Illinois in 2009 (and not making the final four) and most of the first semester this year (33 games total) Legion decided to transfer from Illinois to play for Isiah Thomas at FIU. There is no word on if god told him or his mother to make this move.
• Alex Legion has played for 3 different high schools and left 3 different college programs. He and/or his mother has publicly trashed 1 high school and 2 college coaches, and they will still be a part of college hoops (unfortunately) for a least another year.

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By Sam, December 22, 2009 8:45 pm

# 3 OJ Mayo

I like to keep the college game in perspective. These are kids anywhere from 17-22 years old (unless we are talking about BYU where the players are something like 24-26 years old and married with children) It is not really appropriate to denigrate kids this young who play the game for free tuition. However there is a rare instance when a player is anything but innocent, and by no means playing the game for a scholarship. Some of these gangsters deserve to be criticized like adults since they just can’t wait to get paid like an adult. OJ Mayo was prima donna thug in high school with a degenerate hood mentality. He was physically abusive, pompous, and looking to whore himself out to the highest bidder as a teenager. He went from West Virginia out to Southern California because that is where he got the sweetest deal, and then he left after one year of less than armature competition with a huge mess behind him for USC to try and cover up. He used the college game selfishly and without remorse as if he were entitled to anything he could get no matter what the rules were just because of his ability.

The Lowlights:

• Arrested for misdemeanor marijuana possession in Huntington, West Virginia. Mayo was one of four guys found in a suspicious vehicle by a Cabell County Sheriff’s drug task force unit assigned to serve a search warrant at a house nearby.  The charges against Mayo were later dismissed by a magistrate judge, after the driver of the vehicle pleaded guilty to the charge (though Mayo’s father subsequently had his own difficulties).
• In January of his senior season in high school he was suspended for two games after receiving two technical fouls in a game in which he shoved an official. The suspension was lengthened to three games for unspecified reasons but it was widely reported that it was a disciplinary action related to his altercation with a female student at his school.
• Committed to USC and in his introductory press conference (which he called) sited the media exposure of Los Angles as the primary reason for his decision, as well as his intention to play just one season, and when asked about the celebrity phone numbers programed in his cell phone bragged that his number was so sought after that his coach Tim Floyd didn’t even have it.
• Daniel Hackett was out for six weeks after suffering multiple fractures of his jaw when he was struck by the “elbow” of teammate O.J. Mayo during a pickup game.  Shortly thereafter, it was reported, based upon several sources, including a member of the basketball team, that Mayo punched Hackett during the game.  The player was quoted as saying “Yeah, he punched him,” “They changed the story for the media.”  Despite later denials by Floyd and others, this version of the events was confirmed on multiple occasions.
• During his whirlwind Freshman season at USC he was suspended briefly for violating NCAA rules and accepting courtside seats for a Nuggets Lakers game at the Staples Center from Carmelo Anthony. He was eventually required to pay back the value of the tickets. I wonder where he got the money?
• In 2008 well after he had came and left SC ESPN aired an episode of Outside the Lines that contained extensive, well-documented allegations that Mayo received improper benefits from a sports agent and a runner (Rodney Guillory) both before and during his one season at USC.  It was alleged that Guillory received benefits in excess of $200,000, while Mayo received $30,000 in benefits, including cash, clothes, cell phone service, and a flat screen television for his dorm room.

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By Sam, December 16, 2009 2:15 pm

#4 Tim Floyd

There was a time when I liked Tim Floyd. He seemed like a hard working coach. He won at Idaho, he won at New Orleans, he won at Iowa State. How can a guy win at places like that? Well probably the same way he won at USC by paying guys to play for him, or by paying handlers of guys to get their guys to play for him. It might seem like a real reach to assume that just because a guy was dirty in one place he was dirty every place but if he had to pay OJ Mayo to get him to So Cal, what do you think he had to do to get Marcus Fizer to Ames, Iowa? Besides being one of the few coaches to have ever been accused of physically handing money over to street agent directly Floyd is a real indignant SOB who probably yells at waiters and mistreats animals. Don’t be fooled by this wrong any longer he is dirty, arrogant, and undeserving of a coaching job in the NCAA.

The Lowlights:

• When he left to coach the Chicago Bulls he left the Iowa State program in the hands of another wrong…Larry Eustachy. If he had stayed at Iowa State that wrong never would have been allowed to go out partying with Co-eds and drinking Nati Lites in Columiba, Missouri on a week night.
• Compiled a 93-225 record in the NBA over five seasons and was by his own admission “not very good at it”.”
• Told a room full of boosters last season that: “Kansas has two players who would have been NBA lottery picks, Cole Aldrich and Sherron Collins, and they are returning to school. Good for them. Our guys get an offer from Islamabad and they’re gone.” He said this two weeks before resigning himself.
• Paid $1000 cash to a handler of then recruit OJ Mayo as a means of gaining access to recruit him. Leaving one to wonder how long and how much of that kind of stuff had he been doing through the years? And why doesn’t he use a middle man? Even Kentucky in their hay day didn’t have coaches directly handing out cash.

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By Sam, October 21, 2009 11:03 pm

#5 Bo Ryan

Bo Ryan is the darkness reaching out for the darkness. He and his grind it out and get to the line style has done incredible damage to the national perception of big ten and midwestern basketball. He lacks class in victory, and victories in March. He has turned the bigten conference season into a mind numbing waste of time and energy, and brought the annoying cheese heads into the college basketball universe. Wisconsin basketball wrongs up my college basketball universe every February, and then is exposed to the world every March. To hell with Bo Ryan and his wrong group of wrongs.

The Lowlights:

• Kirk Penny
• Brian Butch
• Joe Krabbenhoft
• Alando Tucker
• Michael Flowers
• Okay okay I know that this isn’t really a list of negative accomplishments in the traditional sense but the fact that I can recall that group of players from memory is proof positive that I wasted many winter nights watching this EOF field a team that was never once entertaining. These bums cost me hours of my life that I will never get back.

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By Sam, October 13, 2009 5:32 pm

#6 Tyler Hansborough

Perhaps no player in the history of college basketball was able to get more undeserved credit for the success of his team than this marginally talented waste hillbilly messiah. Hansby was the only guy who I ever saw play that could make me root for Duke. Hansborough did most of his damage gyrating in the paint in an effort to get to the free throw line, and when in rare instances someone did happen to make contact with this baby rhinoceros he would flail his arms about as if we were struck by some type of nervous disorder. Without a friendly whistle and a dominate supporting cast this jorts wearing trailor park deity would have been a third team all conference player. Instead he spent four years as a media and fan favorite for one of college basketball’s most over indulged programs.

The Lowlights:

• Psycho T as he was known by the frat boys at UNC was at the line more than Noel Gallagher at the height of his What’s the Story fame. He set an ACC record for most trips to the free throw line. The ACC is the same confrence that was home to referee favorites Michael Jordan, Shane Battier, and JJ Redick.
• He jumped off of the balcony of a house into an above ground swimming pool to wild cheers yet when someone puts a forearm on him to position for a rebound he flops down like he has been shot and requires the attention of the training staff.
• Gerald Henderson elbowed him in his big goofy face breaking his nose and making him cry. Thats right a rough and tough Dukie made this muppet weap.
• His idiot parents were on TV more than he was welling up with pride every time he went into wild histrionics putting up a shot.
• He behaved like a coaches pet, charlie hustle, off the bench spot shooter yet had the size to play like a man, making him the antithesis of Antonio Smith.
• Won a completely illegitimate POY award over Michael Beasley in 07-08 based on longevity and celebrity.
• Was given credit for being a great leader for being part of the Tar Heels 2009 National Championship team even though he was arguably the 4th best player on that ubber talented squad.

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By Sam, October 12, 2009 10:06 pm

#7 Sonny Vaccaro

This jock sniffing suspected pedarist has done more to professionalize amateur basketball and to undermine the college game than anyone else. He would be higher up on the list but he did most of his damage earlier in his career. Now he is more of crank than a real threat to anyone. He is the man who brought shoe money into college basketball (working for Nike, Adidas, and Reebok) and created the meat market summer camps with his legendary ABCD camp. He was a tireless advocate for players skipping college and heading straight for the pros until the NBA changed the rules, and lately has been advising 17 year olds with bad SAT scores to go to Europe to prepare for the NBA skipping college all together. Stop it you creepy old shoe salesman, just stop it. In an upcoming HBO Movie he will be played by James Gandolfini…nuff said.

The Lowlights:

• Began the first corporately sponsored summer camp for 13 and 14 year olds in the United States while working for Rebook.
• Was the first executive to sign players to shoe sponsorships before the played a minute in the NBA
• Encouraged and funded Ed O’Bannon’s lawsuit against EA Sports for using the likenesses of former players in their popular “March Madness” series
• Encouraged 17 year old Brandon Jennings and provided him representation for skipping college and playing a professional season in Italy before he was eligible for the NBA draft.
• Tirelessly advocates against the NCAA’s authority as a governing body, and exploits young basketball players jeopardizing their eligibility for the gratification of his own ego.

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By Sam, August 13, 2009 1:34 am

#8 Ronnie Thompson

John Thompson Jr.’s son and JTTIII’s little brother are about the only things on this guys resume that get him work in basketball. He was Brian Ellerbe’s number one assistant at Loyola (MD) and had one horrific season at Ball State compiling a 9-22 record and alienating virtually the entire university community in the process. His brief tenure at Ball State was such a disaster after committing the same NCAA violation twice in the same calendar year, having no on court success, little recruiting success, and not being able to cope in the confines of a dysfunctional athletic department that he did the only thing that his arrogant, entitled, immature mind could come up with…He resigned claiming Muncie, Indiana as a seething hotbed of racial unrest, and filed a lawsuit against the school he had just set the single season loss record for. He brought national attention to Ball State for his wrongness which is no easy task.

The Lowlights:

· Allowed/ directed assistant coaches to observe off season workouts during the summer he was hired. After this violation was reported to the NCAA by the athletic department he did it again the next summer resulting in further punishment from the NCAA

· Posted a school record 22 losses in his only season at Ball State

· Lost 6 players from his roster and 4 of his recruits in his 15 month tenure

· According to star guard Peyton Stovall told his players “not to trust white people,”(coincidentally the roster included no white players even though there were 4 on scholarship when he was hired) and used the N word very liberally

· During the second internal investigation of NCAA violations he reported on receiving racially hostile notes under his office door…which later were shown to be printed in the basketball offices

· After receiving a vote of confidence from the AD and president he sent several carefully worded emails, secretly tape recorded all of his conversation with athletic department officials (for 3 months) and resigned filing a law suite the next day.

· In an interview with ESPN hack Michael Wilbon which his dad sat in on Ronny made some of the following claims:

o That he was instructed not to “socialize,” but to recruit.

o That his wife and child had to flee in the middle of the night for fear of racial violence.

o That he had to purchase basketball’s for practice as the program didn’t have any when he arrived.